Unmaking God

[pinkandyellow]

 She lost track of how much time passed, and not just because she was in a time machine. Some days, it felt like years, like she'd been passed it all and moved on but still carried the grief like a widow. Some days, it felt fresh and sharp, like it was only yesterday, last week, some time recent. She couldn't tell. She didn't ask, she didn't want to know. 

She told the Doctor, mostly. Told her story just as he told his, and he seemed to understand. Seemed to know, with a wisdom she always underestimated in him. A thousand years of life, a hundred companions and friends, people who loved him and loved others. He seemed to respect her even more for it, if that was possible, didn't judge her, silently encouraged her. Took it in the same stride he took everything else about her, as though she could do no wrong. 

She appreciated him more than she'd ever tell him.

They traveled. He took her gentle places at first, and when he realized it was the running that freed her, if only temporarily, he took her to planets that needed saving. What frightened her, though, was the fact that she wasn't doing it to save them. Not now. 

They didn't stop to examine their relationship, just as they never had. She didn't ask, he didn't offer. They picked back up as though she'd never even been gone, with grins and tea and understanding, and they just... worked. Together, as mates, and nothing more. He would probably be accepting, if she made any move to advance things, but she never did, and he didn't mind. Asexual, and an alien. 

Now, though, was one of those down-times in between planetary distraction. He was working beneath the console, and she was sitting, quietly. Watching. Not thinking, just... sitting, listening to the TARDIS sing in her mind, and just... breathing. 

Comments

[rebelledforyou]

He did not wish to step on another man's toes. It would not be very polite of him. This man had also just saved his life as well. He had saved him without even thinking. No doubt he had heard the horror stories of his rampage as God and he didn't let that opinion sway him. He swung right into action the moment that Castiel had showed up and dropped onto his grating. That was the mark of a true hero. That meant Castiel would respect him.

"For me?" He did not know if it felt weird. It should have felt weird, but he knew Rose loved him. This was an issue that had poked and prodded more than a few times even before he became God. He wasn't sure what he was supposed to feel. Dean would probably suggest something like jealousy, but Castiel just did not see it. Rose loved him. Rose cared for the Doctor like family. What was there to be afraid of? "I'll be fine."

His smile grew at the mention of the Christmas tree. That was a very good day.

Castiel tilted his head and listened. After a moment he leaned in and kissed her forehead. "I believe I may be older, but he is one of few who will truly understand how age can close you off in a way." He nodded and let her hands go. "Should we go and speak with him?"

[pinkandyellow]

There was no doubt about it- the Doctor was a hero. Really and truly. For all of his faults, for all of his mistakes- and there were many, many of them- he still tried. Just like Castiel, which meant he was a hero, too. Just... a fallible one. To err is only human.

She should have given him more credit, really. To think he'd be jealous, to think he'd be wary. He wasn't Mickey. He trusted her infinitely, it was almost overwhelming, and she had to bite back a flood of emotion. There was plenty enough of that for a while.

She pressed into that kiss, and when she pulled back, she felt better than she had in a long time. Her smile flickered into life, and she nodded. "Yep. Come on."

The Doctor wasn't hard to find- he was stuffed up beneath the console as usual, pretending like everything wasn't completely mad. He pulled himself out, though, when they came in, and pushed himself to his feet, hands behind his back as he surveyed Castiel over his glasses. Stiff, as though hesitating to pass judgement.

Rose had told him almost everything. A few of the more private details she kept to herself, but for the most part? He knew it all. He, himself, had tripped up, back at Bowie Base. His song was ending soon, apparently. "Hello. Feeling better? All ship-shape?"

[rebelledforyou]

Castiel made sure to take in every detail of this place as they made their way to the Doctor. He was quite impressed with her. It was a beautiful ship. It really had character. He had made peace with the buzzing in his head. He was coming to enjoy it. It was starting to grow quieter. He assumed that was possibly because he was growing more used to the intrusion in his head. He now knew how others felt when he went poking around in their head though. He would be sure to avoid doing that if he were to ever get his powers back.

Castiel stood as straight as a board when they stopped near the Doctor. He could feel the younger man sizing him up and he expected it. He was a big part of Rose's life. This was like meeting her parents only this was probably a bit bigger. This was the Doctor. The man who taught her so much. He assumed this was kind of a big deal. He hadn't made the best impression so far, but he was going to try to fix that.

Castiel nodded his head slowly and smiled. "I am fine. Thank you." The man had helped save his life. Whatever he had done was much appreciated. Castiel was still a little fuzzy. "I assume you know who I am and introductions are not exactly needed. But in the interest of a better first opinion--" He stuck out a hand slowly for him to shake. "I am Castiel."

[pinkandyellow]

Rose stepped back, crossed the room and hopped up onto the jump seat, watching the two most important people she'd ever met... meet. It was a surreal experience, the two separate parts of her life interacting. It was like two stories, meeting each other.

The Doctor lowered his chin a bit, eyebrows raising up. He wouldn't be as traditionally easy to impress as Jackie had been- he didn't care about the things she did. It wasn't politeness or manners that got to him, it was uniqueness of character, it was inherent good. It was wisdom, intelligence, experience.

The tiny smirk that played at his lips was a good sign, though, and he moved forward calmly to take that hand and shake it. He'd be lying if he said he wasn't trying to one-up the man a little, considering his history with Rose, he had a hard time suppressing that fight for alpha male, like he'd done with Jack, Mickey, Adam, pretty much everyone.

It was easy, though, once he applied his mind to it. They were kindred spirits. So very old. "Oh yes, yes you are. I'm the Doctor, Castiel, and Rose's told me all about you. An angel? Don't see one of those every day. Warriors of the Christian God. I didn't think you lot existed. Big wide universe, who'd have thought the humans were the ones to get it right?"

[rebelledforyou]

Castiel could pull out all the stops for the Doctor. He would not be able to demonstrate any powers he once had due to them being gone now. He had other things though. He had knowledge that not many possessed. He'd probably do alright though. If there was any three things that Castiel had it was definitely wisdom, intelligence and experience. He had enough of that to last him a lifetime.

Castiel was not aware there was a fight for alpha male. He only knew that he wanted this man to like him. He wanted him to call him a friend. He was very important to Rose and that meant he was important to Castiel. The Doctor could fight for alpha male all he wanted, but Castiel wasn't about to fight back. He just didn't really know how.

His hand dropped after he shook the Doctor's. Castiel smiled slowly and nodded his head. "Anonymity serves our kind well. We cannot properly perform our duties if we constantly have to worry about being found out by people. There are very few who know of our existence." They were some of the lucky few. "Though I must confess I am no longer an angel. I am a man."

[pinkandyellow]

Really, it was the fact that he didn't try to engage in the testosterone-driven annoyance that ultimately would lead to him winning it. But unlike with Mickey, the Doctor didn't bother dropping to that level. He genuinely respected Castiel, if only due to Rose's feelings about him. He was, however, extremely skeptical about the whole 'angel' thing. He wasn't the religiously accepting. He'd met so many beings, races, 'gods', had such understanding and ability to conceive the metaphysical, anything that claimed to be omniscient was met with extreme skepticism. He didn't believe in god, or destiny, or fate. He saw timelines, he saw the most probable stream of action at any given time. It wasn't preordained, it was simply very complex science.

Creation, the afterlife, the end, it was a string of numbers and statistics, not magic. That angels existed... well, he was more inclined to figure out what race they actually were, than to believe the myth that surrounded them. Just another alien species, to him, as soon as he could figure the other man out. He studied Castiel with more senses than a human could really understand.

"I can see that- your energy signature is off the charts. You're bouncing around like a racket ball." He looked faintly impressed as he tucked his hands into his pockets. He'd met species older than him- not very many, though. Met the wise and the mysterious, and he could probably see what Castiel's true form, it had still been attached. He was just impressive like that.

And he wasn't surprised by the feelings he had for Rose. If anybody could pull an angel down from the sky, well... She had a thing for broody immortals in trench coats. With a suddenness that didn't really seem to be spurned by anything, he turned to the controls and started flipping them. "So the only question that remains- how to get you two back where you belong."

Rose furrowed her brow slightly, but remained determinedly silent after that remark. The Doctor pretended not to notice. "It's not going to be easy, but I think, if we harness enough energy, we can skip back to when you two broke through initially, and send you back through that same poked hole. And can I just say- brilliant job patching that up. Really, I looked into it. Smoothest temporal patch-job I've ever seen."

"Oh, brilliant. You're talking cars." Rose rolled her eyes.

[rebelledforyou]

He was not used to being on the other end of the hard stare. He was usually the one eyeing someone up. He was the one that made people uncomfortable. He wasn't used to having it done to him. It made the former angel squirm on the inside. He now understood what Rose meant when she talked about Castiel's fondness of staring. It could be very off-putting if you were not used to it.

Castiel's head tilted when the Doctor spoke of returning them to where they belonged. That was not easy without his powers. It probably wasn't easy period. Castiel was very curious to see how the Doctor would send them back. He must have had some sort of trick up his very nice sleeves. He was a smart man. Smart men could do amazing things. Determined men could do about the same. He had seen that done.

"Well, I was God. It was simple." His powers were all he had ever known. He didn't not know that people could compliment you on them. He was not aware it was that big of a deal. He would be polite though. "Thank you, Doctor." His eyes went to Rose who was still seated on her own. He looked back at the Doctor after a moment.

"Will--" He was about to speak, but he held his tongue for a moment. He did not wish to phrase it wrong. He didn't want to insult this man or anything of the sort. He wanted this request to go smoothly. "Will you take me somewhere?" He was only curious. He had heard of other worlds. Seen bits and pieces, but their main concern was Earth. It always had been. "I'm very curious."

[pinkandyellow]

There was definitely a little bit of tension in the room, between Castiel's tentative attempts at passing inspection, the Doctor warily trying to judge his character, and Rose just hoping they got along. It increased a little at the mention of him being God, and Rose flicked her eyes to the grating for a second as she thought about that. Weird.

They shot back up at his quiet request, though, and her eyes turned to the Doctor, eyebrows lifting. He shared her look, and they seemed to have a silent conversation, because after a moment, they both lit up with grins.

"Oh, the places I can take you, Angel Castiel." Rose beamed and hopped up off of the jump seat, moving to curl her fingers through his. Evidently, it had been the right question to ask, because the Doctor took an immediate liking to him. Curiosity about the universe, showing an angel the wonders of everything? That sounded like exactly what he wanted to do.

"Anywhere in the universe, the past, the future, the left side. I can take you anywhere you want to go. Pick something. Pick anything, and I can find a planet for it."

"Bit full of himself, thinks he's impressive," She leaned in to whisper to cas, conspiratorially.

[rebelledforyou]

He smiled after they smiled. It seemed that they were going to go somewhere. That was nice to hear. Though his head tilted to the left when the Doctor called him Angel Castiel. He was no longer an angel. He would not mention it though. If that is what the man wished to call him then he would have no problem. He had saved his life. Castiel figured he was entitled to any strange nicknames he desired.

He looked down at their hands when Rose moved to stand by him. His smile grew and he looked up. He listened to the Doctor speak. He really spoke quite enthusiastically. It was almost a challenge for him to keep up. Rose had said the man could talk, but this was not really what he was expecting. He had a hunch this wasn't even the worst part either.

Castiel glanced at Rose and then looked to the Doctor with a smile. "He is quite impressive though." That was probably not the answer that Rose was looking for, but Castiel was very easily impressed by this man. It was very strange.

He straightened up and moved away from Rose. He made his way to the Doctor to stand by the console. His eyes swept over it. "I believe you should pick for me, Doctor. I would like to also know about her." Yeah. He was referring to the TARDIS.

[pinkandyellow]

The Doctor called him an angel, not because he was one, but because it flowed well. He had a thing for theatrical names. He was a little bit camp that way. The enthusiastic smirk grew at the enthusiasm clearly expressed by the two people on his ship. He loved enthusiastic partners in crime.

And he shared a cocky look with Rose as his impressiveness was reaffirmed. Egomaniac, him. There's a way to get on his good side. Call him impressive, then ask about his ship. He seemed quite pleased about that last part, and leaned against the console for a second, looking thoughtful.

"You can feel her, can't you?" He was always happy to travel with a being who could conceptualize the TARDIS as a living thing, especially since Castiel probably had a better understanding than most humans about the old girl. She was so much more than just a ship- she was alive. Of course, Rose knew that, but not in any way she could ever put into words. Castiel's perception of her would be different- more accurate, more clear. And that alone made the Doctor pleased. He patted the console fondly. "I think I know just the place."

He'd tell Castiel all about her, later, once the adventure was over and they had time alone- probably sometime while Rose slept.

He looked manic, and threw a lever. The console room shook. Rose didn't have time to ask him to go somewhere safe- the thought of losing Castiel to this life- exposing him to the recklessness of her past, of running through the universe, and him getting hurt, or killed, or worse ran through her mind. She'd... she'd gone so bloody domestic.

[rebelledforyou]

He could feel her. It was very strange. She had been buzzing in his head since he woke up and could actually focus on anything other than the pain from almost dying. She was quite a woman. He kind of chalked up his ability to feel her the left over juice from his time as God. He'd probably know about her presence without it though. He was a fairly perceptive human and Rose had talked quite a bit about the TARDIS.

Castiel didn't have time to grab anything to hold onto when the console room shook. He stumbled backwards into a hand railing. He reached behind him and gripped it tightly in an effort to stay vertical. He had already fallen on the grating once. It was not a pleasant feeling. He did not want to revisit that. So he clung to the railing and he looked over at Rose with wide eyes.

It wasn't long before if stopped and had engaged in what some would call "smooth sailing". He let go of the railing and made his way to Rose a little quicker than he probably should. He put a hand on her upper arm and leaned towards her to whisper. "You did not mention that she did that." Scared? Not so much. Confused and a little shaken? Yes. Very much so.

[pinkandyellow]

To most people, the TARDIS was usually nothing more than a soft hum in the back of their minds, something they might mistake for the hum of machinery, of a whirring engine or something. To Rose, it was like... music playing, somewhere far off, but that was the loudest it ever got.

Rose seemed used to the shaking of the console, managed to keep her 'sea legs', as it were, and the Doctor, even more so. The two wore similar expressions of fond amusement at the little shake, and Rose felt a bit guilty for not warning him beforehand. She wrapped her arm around his waist, looking up at him, chewing on her lip, eyes sparking. His expression had been... she really shouldn't be amused by it, but she couldn't help it.

"Don't worry. It's normal. She does that when we take off and when we land- bit like turbulence. Time and space turbulence, jumping into the wind stream or something." She offered him a reassuring smile, but her expression soon flickered into serious. "Listen- I dunno what's out there, but a lot of the time, it's dangerous. There's a lot of running- it could be just a brilliant, amazing, safe planet, but about half the time... just... be careful, yeah? I just got you back."

[rebelledforyou]

He would not be running head first into any kind of immediate danger. He had no desire to die now that he was safe and unharmed. He wanted to remain living so that he could be with Rose. That was the main thing he cared about. He would be sure to stay safe simply because he did not want to part with her now that he was back in her arms. He had spent months on his own trying to be God and all it did was show him that he didn't want to be alone. He wanted to be with her.

Castiel nodded and leaned down to kiss her forehead gently. "I promise I will not engage in any sort of dangerous behavior when we are out there. I will be sure to run very quickly if it does happen." Running not something he was used to doing, but he would learn for her. He was used to standing his ground and fighting hard. He was used to going down in the fight. He would have to learn to walk away.

He pulled back and smiled at her. He leaned his head to the right and went forward to whisper in her ear. "And I wish to stay with you." He told her gently. It was the truth. For whatever reason he only wanted to share that information with her. He did not wish to make it public knowledge.

[pinkandyellow]

The Doctor made no motion to watch them, kept his eyes glued to the screen before him as he entered coordinates, did this or that, but pointedly didn't look at the two of them. He felt pain, as he always did, when he watched them move on- just a hint of remorse, of jealousy, of anger at the universe. Mostly, though, he was happy for them. Overwhelmingly happy that Rose was happy, that she moved on, that she was living a good life with someone who could live theirs with her. It took the pain of her away. The prick of his wounded pride and jealousy still existed, though.

She seemed to feel a bit better as he promised, pushed into the kiss against her forehead, curling her fingers into his suit jacket. It wasn't a guarantee of his safety, but it made her feel better that at least he understood, that he would try.

Her heart tightened almost painfully as he leaned in to whisper into her ear, and for a second, she missed him extraordinarily, and was overcome with the realization that he was right there. It was still so sudden, so unexpected, so fresh. She moved in, pressing her ear to his chest, and hugged him around the waist. She wanted him to stay with her, too. She really, really did.

The Doctor cleared his throat from somewhere across the room, and she looked up to see him leaning too casually against the doorway, arms crossed, looking amused and mischievous. "Whenever you're not busy, there's a planet outside waiting to be explored."

[rebelledforyou]

Once again Castiel did not exactly feel embarrassed when the Doctor called for their attention. He just turned in the direction of his voice and found him by what he assumed to be the doors out of the TARDIS. He didn't even feel it land. He supposed some of that had to do with the fact that he was focused on Rose and not the rattle of everything. He would have to employ this tactic more often when they went places.

He smiled slowly and looked down at Rose. His eyes were actually lit up with excitement. Some might think it's hard to excite an angel, but it's quite easy. Rose had done it when she offered to take him to the movies. She continued to do it after that day. He was like a child sometimes. Even the simplest things could excite him. This right here was not exactly simple. It was no wonder his eyes lit up and he looked like a kid on Christmas.

He kissed the top of her head once more and then drew back. He walked quite quickly towards the doors and looked at the Doctor quickly. "May I open them?" He really, really wanted to pull them open and see what was out there waiting on them.

[pinkandyellow]

She never really stopped to think about it, but although Castiel was a metaphysical being several thousand years old, it was possible that he didn't spend much of his time away from Earth. Maybe he was assigned there, or maybe a hundred other reasons she didn't feel like thinking of, but it just seemed to her he didn't spend a lot of time exploring the rest of the universe.

She smiled at his enthusiasm, and stepped away, let him walk to the doors by himself. The Doctor seemed to approve of his request, and just nodded his head toward the door, making no attempt to move from his place, leaning casually against it. "Go on."

Outside the doors was a hallway. It was dark, and reflecting along the floor were dancing waves of light, reflecting and refracting and fluid as they danced along the metal. It was beautiful by anyone's standards, but that wasn't what stole the attention.

It was just a hallway.

Except, the hallway was glass. Rounded, perfectly rounded, one long, unending, unbroken, thick, clear, transparent piece of glass that separated the hallway from tens of thousands of pounds of water surrounding it. There was no sky, no surface, just miles and miles of water in any direction, blue and dark and endless, completely surrounding them.

[rebelledforyou]

Castiel had multiple responsibilities when he was an angel. He had humans in his care. He had wars to fight. He had things he had to take care of. He didn't have much time to go around and experience the wonders of the universe. Private time on his own was never really found. He always had something to take care of. He knew facts and figures about these places. He could accurately name the planets he was on or the galaxies he was in. He just had never seen them like this. It was a new experience for him.

He pulled the doors open quickly and stepped outside. His head lifted and his eyes widened. It was beautiful. Castiel had seen the Heavens. He had seen beauty he thought could not be compared. This was something though. This was amazing. It was glorious. It was beautiful and terrifying all at the same time. The very idea that one crack and it could all come caving in and wash this clean.

He stepped further down the hallway his eyes moving quickly around the hallway. He side stepped and pressed a hand to the glass. He licked his lips and looked over towards the TARDIS at Rose and the Doctor. "This is Nientara is it not?" This was a planet that literally had no land to speak of. It was all water. The people who came here had to adapt and make underwater settlements.

[pinkandyellow]

Rose stepped out not long after him, eyes wide with awe and a tinge of fear- of course, it was human instinct, being so surrounded by water in every direction was scary- but it was gorgeous. She breathed out a soft noise of awe, wandering down the hallway, pressing her hand to the glass as well.

The Doctor stepped out last, pulling the TARDIS doors shut behind them and locking them. He tucked his hands into his coat pockets as he looked around, remarkably less impressed by it all, but genuinely pleased with the reaction of his companions. He lit up a bit more when Castiel named the planet, impressed and interested. He was definitely going to have to get to know Castiel a little better.

"Nientara, and this is the year 206 P.I.- Post-Inhabitation. Around... oooh... the Earth year eight thousand? Climate's remarkably like Earth- same seasons, same distance from their sun, same everything... except for the lack of land. Took a hundred years to design this place, let alone build it. Impossible dream. Not so impossible, anymore." He smiled wryly, giving them time to look around, before striding toward the end of the hall and pressing the sonic screwdriver to the panel by the door. "Let's have a look around, shall we?"

[rebelledforyou]

His ears perked up and he listened to the Doctor explain everything to him. He knew about this time. All facts and figures with no actual life experience. It was like a pilot. They had plenty of simulation help. They had gone through the stats and all the plans. They could do plenty of checks and re-checks, but getting up there and flying was a whole different story. Seeing this place was like the first time he got to come down to Earth. It was magical.

Castiel turned and looked down the hallway at the Doctor by the door. He made his way over to him and stood with his hands in the pocket of his trenchcoat. He watched the Doctor get the door open quite quickly. He was aware of what that was, but seeing it in action was something entirely different. "Will they mind our intrusion?" It was a logical question. He wasn't exactly sure what the Doctor planned to tell them.

He looked over at Rose and smiled. "What are we going to tell them? I do not believe people will grant me access to this place if I tell them I'm God." That was what he told people before. You'd be surprised how many people stayed away and left you alone in a building when you told them that you were God. Castiel assumed it was out of respect, but honestly it was just because they thought he was crazy.

[pinkandyellow]

She blinked as she followed along behind them- that figured. Castiel was actually listening keenly to that educational little lecture. Nobody actually did that. Frankly, the Doctor looked pleased at the change of pace, and carried on rambling out inane facts about the place and it's history, with Cas hanging off of every word.

The Doctor strode through the door, glancing at Castiel over his shoulder. "Well, they'd probably mind, if they knew we were here. Which they don't. Just... let me do the talking."

Actually, he wouldn't be doing all that much talking, just flashing the psychic paper and going with the flow. She hadn't actually thought to prepare him for that- how up to the trespassing and lying was he? Seemed a bit rude, shoving that off onto him and expecting him to go along with it.

She winced at Castiel's comment about being God, and shook her head. "Yeah, don't... don't say that to people."

Or in general, because the wound was still fresh, and the reminder was painful and uncomfortable, as shown by the way she shifted her eyes ahead and tucked her hands into her pockets. "We sort of... make it up as we go along. Usually play tourists, which isn't exactly a lie."