Rose has never been the most rational when it comes to jealousy.

[pinkandyellow]

In her quest to expose Castiel to every possible happy human experience, she's spent ages figuring out the best place to attend New Year's Eve. After a week of waffling between her mum and dad's shwanky political bash and the rowdy pub down the block from her flat, she finally decided on the pub. Coming from an estate, she spent much of her time in tiny little everyone-knows-everyone pubs, had a lot of brilliant times with Mickey and the boys, catching matches. It was a lot more... familiar than the ritzy things her parents put on, and she decided she'd really like to experience it with him. Not to mention he hadn't yet met Mickey or Jake, and considering she worked with them, she thought it might be nice.

Things were going well. Really, really well. It was half passed eleven, and though she wasn't tipsy, she'd had a few, and so had everyone else. Half-priced drinks on holidays. They were brilliant. The music was good, everyone was happy, and the place was covered in streamers. 

She pushed her silly giant, numbered 'sunglasses' back on her head to keep her hair out of her face, beaming at the sight of Mickey trying to do the robot across the way on the dance floor. Just... really, really brilliant all around, with a drink in one hand and Castiel's in the other. 

Comments

[huffpuffblonde.livejournal.com]

Oh, it hurt. It hurt really badly. That was... that was just so stupid. She was stupid. He didn't know. He wouldn't know, would he? She was right, thinking about it a few days ago. She was convenient. She was there. It would have been the same with any other woman as it was with her. If he just had another partner, he'd... She wasn't... they weren't... What? Special? Important? Love? Really, Rose? You thought it might have been love? He didn't know what that was, he didn't... if he was going to fall in love, why would it be with her, the first woman to pick him up off the street? It was convenience, proximity, coincidence. He was perfectly free to kiss other women if he had the opportunity. The fact that he wanted to... the fact that she wasn't... enough- stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid stupid stupid stupid. Stupid.

Her cheeks flamed red in embarrassment, and darkened at the sound of her name coming from behind her. She walked faster. Please, please, please don't make her explain. Please, please don't make her be the one to end it. How could he just-- she thought... She felt... it figured.

She stopped rather suddenly, her jaw set, her hands on her hips. Her tongue ran along her lips and her eyes didn't meet his, they just... moved away, off to the corner, up to the sky. Not crying. Too angry to cry. Easier that way.

"Home. I'm going home, yeah? So just. Shunt off."

[rebelledforyou.livejournal.com]

She was moving very quick. Had she always been this fast? He had never actually noticed before. She was very hard to get up with in this state. It seemed to get worse though she stopped and whirled around to face him. Oh. That wasn't a pleasant face. She did not look happy and her lack of eye contact was less than comforting for the former angel. Hmm. This was something he'd have to learn how to navigate on his own. He didn't think she'd take a break from her anger to instruct him.

He frowned and tilted his head. "I do not know what that means." Shunt off made no sense to him. He took a steps towards her trying to decipher what was happening on her face. Maybe that would help him. She was angry about the woman. The woman had kissed him though. Did that not make it not his fault? Right?

"I do not know what I did wrong, Rose. I did not engage with her. Why are you running away from me?" He was confused. Cue the confused puppy face he was very good at it. He wanted to fix it, but that meant learning how.

[huffpuffblonde.livejournal.com]

Oh, god. For the love of- she couldn't... she couldn't calm down enough to explain it to him. Even the way she sighed was frantic, and she smacked her hands together.

"Look, you don't just... you don't kiss other women when you're with someone, you shove 'em off, you tell 'em to go-" That wasn't right. She couldn't just tell him that, that wouldn't mean anything. Not if he wanted to kiss other women. She couldn't just... set the parameters as 'me and that's it forever'. That wasn't... right. He had to know he had options, even if she didn't... particularly want to tell him. It didn't count if he stayed with her because he didn't know to do otherwise. She turned away from him again and started walking a bit more slowly than before. Just so that she could rub her eyes without him seeing. Not crying. Not crying. Not crying. She cleared her throat and didn't look at him as she spoke. "Because it hurts. But that's not... the point. D'you want... there are other women out there besides me. Cleverer. You could have any of them, d'you realize that? You don't have to just... there's more out there than me. Just because I'm... here doesn't mean you have to stay with me. If you want to go snog that tart in the bar, it's fine, yeah? Just... go do it. When you're with a person, you're with one person. You choose 'em, and it has to be mutual, and it doesn't... have to be with me."

Did that cover it? Probably not. She sounded chavvy and stupid and hysterical and like... like a jealous, petty girlfriend. That's what she sounded like.

[rebelledforyou.livejournal.com]

He was trying to keep up with her. He really was. She was making it extremely difficult with the walking away again. He had to go after her just to listen to what she had to say. She was avoiding eye contact and he could hear a slight choke somewhere in there. She was upset. She was crying. He had hurt her. That was never his intention. He felt awful. He felt like he had betrayed her or something. It was very unsettling.

From what he gathered this relationship thing was very complex. When you were with one person you were with them. It was a very long haul kind of deal. He understood that now. You could get out of the relationship, but never cheat. He knew what cheating was. Was that what she thought he was doing? Cheating? The man didn't even know how to cheat.

His pace picked up and he moved to stand in front of her. "I was not aware that I was supposed to physically push her away. I thought that would be rude of me to engage in a physical act of violence towards her. I assumed she would stop on her own and I could return to you, Mickey and Jake."

[huffpuffblonde.livejournal.com]

The strangled sort of laugh that came out of her lacked any real humor. It was more incredulous than anything. It was unfair, logically, she was aware of that, but she didn't... care. He really, really probably didn't know. She just... she needed to calm down and talk to him, but it was hard when all she really wanted to do was shove him out of the way.

There were two separate issues going on, though his words did a great deal to solve the first one, they didn't... quite cover it. She stopped again, pressing a hand to her face. She squeezed her eyes closed. The best way to handle this situation. She just needed to stop and think. She just... needed to calm down.

She crossed the sidewalk and headed toward the stairs that lead into an apartment building. She lowered herself down on the third from the ground. Her elbows rested on her knees, and she buried her face in her hands a second, before patting the spot beside her.

"There's... it's... complicated. Just... when it comes to things like that, you don't wait it out. You put a stop to it right off, because otherwise, she was just gonna keep kissing you. Probably more than that. Letting it happen can be just as bad as engaging. It hurts just as much to see. How would you feel if you... I dunno... walked in and saw the pizza man snogging me?"

[rebelledforyou.livejournal.com]

Dating an angel was certainly proving to be quite difficult. Castiel was beginning to think that maybe he lacked the social skills to be able to be a human. He had lost his powers, but could he be human? He felt almost broken in a way. He couldn't wrap his head around something like this. Humans were a lot smarter and complex than most of the angels up there gave them credit for. They have very deep emotions.

She was gone again. He followed her to the stairs. He paused at the bottom of them until she patted the spot next to her. He climbed three and sat down along side her. He put his elbows on his knees and glanced at her to listen. Everything she was saying made sense until the last bit.

"I would be very worried." He looked dead series. "The pizza man spanks. I do not wish for that to happen to you." He looked down at his hands and fell silent. For a moment he didn't have much to say until finally he looked up at her. "I feel--inside of me that it would ultimately hurt, Rose."

[huffpuffblonde.livejournal.com]

...Spanks. What? She blinked and furrowed her brow, then shook her head. That was... probably a question for some other time. She really didn't want to know. He grasped the important part of the conversation. She still didn't look at him while they talked, just... focused on not being such an emotional mess. She was used to just... carrying on and ignoring things like this. But when things like this happened in the past, it was with a man she wasn't... sure... it was complicated. Now, with him, things were... different. She didn't want the same festering insecurity this time. Couldn't handle another relationship supported by something about as sturdy as toothpicks.

She propped her chin up on her hand and stared at the street. "Yeah. It would hurt. Probably. Even if it wasn't... intentional, just the fact that the person carried on and let it happen doesn't show a lot of... consideration for the person they're with. That's... it wasn't your fault. You didn't know. Sorry for running off, it didn't... I got upset. But that's... there's something else we've gotta talk about, as well."

Her eyes went to the ground this time.

[rebelledforyou.livejournal.com]

He really had hoped to be different from the Doctor who lingered in her head. He had seen the man in there before he lost his powers. It was hard to ignore such a strong memory like that man. He couldn't do that stuff anymore. Not because he lacked the power, but she had asked him not to do that anymore. He had kept out like she asked. He really wished sometimes he did know what was going on in there. It might have made this so much easier.

He looked back down at his hands and and exhaled slowly. He didn't know where this was going, but he was smart enough to pick up on the tone. It was very strange. It didn't scream good news or anything. "What's that, Rose?" He lifted his head up hoping she'd look at him. He worked best with eye contact.

[huffpuffblonde.livejournal.com]

She didn't meet his eye. Couldn't, really, not without choking up what she had to say. Not without her willpower being completely sapped. She procrastinated for a second, brushing her hair back, picking at her jeans.

"I'm not... really sure..." This was going to be bloody hard. "I'm worried. About why you're... with me, and not somebody else. That it might be... I dunno... for the wrong reasons. Because you're not... experienced enough to know the different... options you've got. It's... not the same for you as it is for me. I've been out there, I've met people, I've... tried to love different people. But you... just sort of happened to run into me. Random chance, coincidence, what ever. And now we're... together, and I'm... falling... in love. Which is. Hard, because I think it could've been... anybody else, you could've met anybody else and you'd be doing the same things as we're doing. So I don't know if you're sticking around because it's me, or because I was... convenient. Readily accessible. D'you understand?"

Laying it all out like that was... nerve-racking and... exposing. She didn't... like it.

[rebelledforyou.livejournal.com]

He shifted his gaze to the ground out in front of him. He listened to what she had to say to him and he tried to absorb it. He tried to sort out what he was feeling. He never stopped to examine this stuff. He knew how certain things were supposed to feel like pain, happiness and sadness. He did not completely understand what love felt like inside of him though. He was not aware that it was a whole number of things stacking on top of each other.

He let out a sigh and got up from his spot. He went down a step and moved to sit on it in front of her. He looked up to catch her eyes. He wanted her to look at him when he said this and this would be the only way with her constant wandering eyes. It was important that he look her in the eyes as he said these things.

"I am not with you out of convenience. Convenient would have been me returning to Heaven ready to face my punishment. Convenient would have been me returning to the Winchesters to join them." He put a hand on her knee and frowned. "I've been all around this world, Rose Tyler. It's big and it's wonderful, but not once have I met a woman like you. Not once did I meet a woman I wanted to actually be human for."

He lifted a hand and rubbed his forehead. "I do not know what love feels like, but I know I'm feeling a multitude of things. The sound you make after we--" His smile turned sheepish. "you know. That makes me stomach do strange flipping things. I have come to believe that your laughter is the best sound I've ever heard." He moved his hand from her knee to take her hand. "You may believe I have these options and that I could leave at any time, but the truth is I don't want to."

[huffpuffblonde.livejournal.com]

She tried to avoid it, for a second, his gaze, because her eyes were watery and she felt... silly. Like a little girl, for getting upset like this. For being so...

It was impossible to avoid, though, his searching eyes, and meeting them while he spoke brought color to her cheeks. It made her stomach twist and her nerves catch on fire, but she kept his gaze.

Maybe she wasn't... giving him enough credit. How old was he? How many people had he met? Watched? Chased after? It wasn't as though he hadn't been exposed to women, it wasn't as though his mate Dean hadn't tried to hook him up, undoubtedly. Maybe the fact that he never showed them interest, but that he did with her should have been a bigger sign.

That he actually wanted to be human for? That... it struck something deep down inside her. She loved a man who could live forever, once. You wither and you die, while I never can. He couldn't love her because she was human. He didn't love her enough to want to be human. Castiel... whether or not he knew what he was saying, it touched her. Really. Wiped away the vast majority of her insecurities in one fell swoop. He didn't realize the significance, probably, but it didn't matter.

Her lips tugged upward at his sheepish smile, and with her hand occupied, she couldn't stop to wipe away the tear track that streaked down of it's own accord. Happy tears. How humany wumany.

"Okay." She nodded. Simple.

[rebelledforyou.livejournal.com]

Dean had tried to help him get "laid". Castiel had been less than receptive and had wound up driving the woman away. She had been a prostitute and he managed to scare her off with his words. Granted they had been about her absent father and that would scare just about anyone away. She had hurled something at his face just to make sure he understood it wasn't okay to do that. It had been funny though when him and Dean had to run from security.

He tilted his head as he noted her tears. He let out a soft sigh and reached out with his free hand to touch her cheek. His thumb rubbed under one quickly. He let go of her hand and leaned up towards her face. His lips brushed her cheek just under her eye. Kissing away tears? Why yes he is. He is certainly giving it his best shot.

He shifted away and moved to sit on the step next to her this time. He lifted his arm and put it around her shoulders. He drew her into his side and looked down at her. "Honestly I do not believe there is anyone out there I would rather kiss than you, Rose." His experience was lacking, but he had never wanted to kiss anyone like her. It was the want that was important.

[huffpuffblonde.livejournal.com]

Oh, she'd heard the prostitute story, and nearly laughed until she peed herself. That had been... just hilarious. Frankly, she'd been rather pleased he hadn't shagged a whore for his first time. That might have ruined the experience for him.

Her eyes drifted closed as he touched her cheek, her heart throbbed hard at his lips. He was just... so... him. He was completely impossible to stay angry with. And it wasn't his fault. He genuinely hadn't known any better, and genuinely had no intentions to be with her. Or anyone else. As dramatic as the whole thing had been, she... she honestly felt better. About everything. More secure. Safer. Everything seemed... good.

She leaned into him, burrowing under his arm, pressing her head to his chest. "I'm glad. There isn't anyone I'd rather kiss, either."

She let a quiet second tick by, holding onto him gently. "Sorry. About this whole... thing. I'm... a jealous berk."

[rebelledforyou.livejournal.com]

Castiel shook his head and leaned over to kiss the top of her head. "I'm not sure what that is, but you were not one. You were upset. It's alright to get upset. You can tell me when I'm being stupid." Which had been. He had been pretty dumb to not push her off. Now that he knew he could do it if it was to ever happen again. He really hoped it wouldn't either. That had been very unpleasant the first time.

He pulled back to get a better look at her. "Would you like to go home?" His head tilted. Prepare for the human side to come emerging. He was slowly learning how to ask these things and gauge if then was the right time. "We can ring in the New Year. Alone." It was extremely hard to tell what he was asking, but if you listened to his tone. You'd pick up on it.

[huffpuffblonde.livejournal.com]

She let out a soft, scratchy laugh. It was a combination of his lack of understanding for the term, and the vernacular he used. Calling himself stupid. Had he done that before? She didn't think so. It was amusing.

He tugged back, and her eyebrows shot up. At first, she was going to protest- they could go back to the party, it would be fine. And then it dawned on her. Alone. Was he- was he suggesting make-up sex? Blimey, was he a quick learner. She jumped up off of the steps, tugging him to his feet by one hand with a laugh. "Oh, yeah, I definitely wanna go home."

She tugged him down the street with a grin.

And they rang in the new year.

Twice.