It wasn't easy. She ran to the Doctor because she didn't know who else to run to- he represented an alternative source of safety and comfort, he was familiar, but he knew. She knew. Both of them. He would live on long after she was dead. He would regenerate, and regenerate, and regenerate, for another thousand years. Eventually, he would change so much, he wouldn't even be the man she knew anymore. She'd have stayed with him, once upon a time, because she was loyal. Because she promised.
But they both knew. She was older, wiser, and she knew he was jaded. He would never be human for her, he never could be, and she'd never ask it of him. She'd never ask it of anyone. She didn't ask it of Castiel, but he gave it anyway. Volunteered it. Never met anyone I wanted to be human for, Castiel had said, and that's what separated the two of them. Castiel could love her, and chose to- and that was so, so very important.
The Doctor was many things, but he wasn't petty. In a way, if she had to guess, she'd say he was relieved. Though he may have loved her, she knew he felt guilty, because he could never give her that life. That love. No, she'd bet anything he was relieved at having that burden taken off of his shoulders.
"He's alright. I won't pretend it's the most comfortable situation I've ever been in." She shook her head. "It's gotta be really weird for you, I'm sorry. I really am. But- it's not like that. Me and him- it was never gonna be. I made my choice a long time ago, in front of a Christmas tree."
She gave him a tight smile. "And if we ever wanna get home, he's our best chance. He's got a track record for shunting me off into parallel universes. I'm sure he'll figure it out. It may be a bit- truth be told, he likes the company. Makes him feel less alone. And I'm sure he's dying to talk to you- thousand year old being relatability, and all."
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Date: 2012-01-21 11:52 am (UTC)But they both knew. She was older, wiser, and she knew he was jaded. He would never be human for her, he never could be, and she'd never ask it of him. She'd never ask it of anyone. She didn't ask it of Castiel, but he gave it anyway. Volunteered it. Never met anyone I wanted to be human for, Castiel had said, and that's what separated the two of them. Castiel could love her, and chose to- and that was so, so very important.
The Doctor was many things, but he wasn't petty. In a way, if she had to guess, she'd say he was relieved. Though he may have loved her, she knew he felt guilty, because he could never give her that life. That love. No, she'd bet anything he was relieved at having that burden taken off of his shoulders.
"He's alright. I won't pretend it's the most comfortable situation I've ever been in." She shook her head. "It's gotta be really weird for you, I'm sorry. I really am. But- it's not like that. Me and him- it was never gonna be. I made my choice a long time ago, in front of a Christmas tree."
She gave him a tight smile. "And if we ever wanna get home, he's our best chance. He's got a track record for shunting me off into parallel universes. I'm sure he'll figure it out. It may be a bit- truth be told, he likes the company. Makes him feel less alone. And I'm sure he's dying to talk to you- thousand year old being relatability, and all."