pinkandyellow | Rose has never been the most rational when it comes to jealousy.

In her quest to expose Castiel to every possible happy human experience, she's spent ages figuring out the best place to attend New Year's Eve. After a week of waffling between her mum and dad's shwanky political bash and the rowdy pub down the block from her flat, she finally decided on the pub. Coming from an estate, she spent much of her time in tiny little everyone-knows-everyone pubs, had a lot of brilliant times with Mickey and the boys, catching matches. It was a lot more... familiar than the ritzy things her parents put on, and she decided she'd really like to experience it with him. Not to mention he hadn't yet met Mickey or Jake, and considering she worked with them, she thought it might be nice.

Things were going well. Really, really well. It was half passed eleven, and though she wasn't tipsy, she'd had a few, and so had everyone else. Half-priced drinks on holidays. They were brilliant. The music was good, everyone was happy, and the place was covered in streamers.

She pushed her silly giant, numbered 'sunglasses' back on her head to keep her hair out of her face, beaming at the sight of Mickey trying to do the robot across the way on the dance floor. Just... really, really brilliant all around, with a drink in one hand and Castiel's in the other.

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She didn't meet his eye. Couldn't, really, not without choking up what she had to say. Not without her willpower being completely sapped. She procrastinated for a second, brushing her hair back, picking at her jeans.

"I'm not... really sure..." This was going to be bloody hard. "I'm worried. About why you're... with me, and not somebody else. That it might be... I dunno... for the wrong reasons. Because you're not... experienced enough to know the different... options you've got. It's... not the same for you as it is for me. I've been out there, I've met people, I've... tried to love different people. But you... just sort of happened to run into me. Random chance, coincidence, what ever. And now we're... together, and I'm... falling... in love. Which is. Hard, because I think it could've been... anybody else, you could've met anybody else and you'd be doing the same things as we're doing. So I don't know if you're sticking around because it's me, or because I was... convenient. Readily accessible. D'you understand?"

Laying it all out like that was... nerve-racking and... exposing. She didn't... like it.

He shifted his gaze to the ground out in front of him. He listened to what she had to say to him and he tried to absorb it. He tried to sort out what he was feeling. He never stopped to examine this stuff. He knew how certain things were supposed to feel like pain, happiness and sadness. He did not completely understand what love felt like inside of him though. He was not aware that it was a whole number of things stacking on top of each other.

He let out a sigh and got up from his spot. He went down a step and moved to sit on it in front of her. He looked up to catch her eyes. He wanted her to look at him when he said this and this would be the only way with her constant wandering eyes. It was important that he look her in the eyes as he said these things.

"I am not with you out of convenience. Convenient would have been me returning to Heaven ready to face my punishment. Convenient would have been me returning to the Winchesters to join them." He put a hand on her knee and frowned. "I've been all around this world, Rose Tyler. It's big and it's wonderful, but not once have I met a woman like you. Not once did I meet a woman I wanted to actually be human for."

He lifted a hand and rubbed his forehead. "I do not know what love feels like, but I know I'm feeling a multitude of things. The sound you make after we--" His smile turned sheepish. "you know. That makes me stomach do strange flipping things. I have come to believe that your laughter is the best sound I've ever heard." He moved his hand from her knee to take her hand. "You may believe I have these options and that I could leave at any time, but the truth is I don't want to."

She tried to avoid it, for a second, his gaze, because her eyes were watery and she felt... silly. Like a little girl, for getting upset like this. For being so...

It was impossible to avoid, though, his searching eyes, and meeting them while he spoke brought color to her cheeks. It made her stomach twist and her nerves catch on fire, but she kept his gaze.

Maybe she wasn't... giving him enough credit. How old was he? How many people had he met? Watched? Chased after? It wasn't as though he hadn't been exposed to women, it wasn't as though his mate Dean hadn't tried to hook him up, undoubtedly. Maybe the fact that he never showed them interest, but that he did with her should have been a bigger sign.

That he actually wanted to be human for? That... it struck something deep down inside her. She loved a man who could live forever, once. You wither and you die, while I never can. He couldn't love her because she was human. He didn't love her enough to want to be human. Castiel... whether or not he knew what he was saying, it touched her. Really. Wiped away the vast majority of her insecurities in one fell swoop. He didn't realize the significance, probably, but it didn't matter.

Her lips tugged upward at his sheepish smile, and with her hand occupied, she couldn't stop to wipe away the tear track that streaked down of it's own accord. Happy tears. How humany wumany.

"Okay." She nodded. Simple.

Dean had tried to help him get "laid". Castiel had been less than receptive and had wound up driving the woman away. She had been a prostitute and he managed to scare her off with his words. Granted they had been about her absent father and that would scare just about anyone away. She had hurled something at his face just to make sure he understood it wasn't okay to do that. It had been funny though when him and Dean had to run from security.

He tilted his head as he noted her tears. He let out a soft sigh and reached out with his free hand to touch her cheek. His thumb rubbed under one quickly. He let go of her hand and leaned up towards her face. His lips brushed her cheek just under her eye. Kissing away tears? Why yes he is. He is certainly giving it his best shot.

He shifted away and moved to sit on the step next to her this time. He lifted his arm and put it around her shoulders. He drew her into his side and looked down at her. "Honestly I do not believe there is anyone out there I would rather kiss than you, Rose." His experience was lacking, but he had never wanted to kiss anyone like her. It was the want that was important.

Oh, she'd heard the prostitute story, and nearly laughed until she peed herself. That had been... just hilarious. Frankly, she'd been rather pleased he hadn't shagged a whore for his first time. That might have ruined the experience for him.

Her eyes drifted closed as he touched her cheek, her heart throbbed hard at his lips. He was just... so... him. He was completely impossible to stay angry with. And it wasn't his fault. He genuinely hadn't known any better, and genuinely had no intentions to be with her. Or anyone else. As dramatic as the whole thing had been, she... she honestly felt better. About everything. More secure. Safer. Everything seemed... good.

She leaned into him, burrowing under his arm, pressing her head to his chest. "I'm glad. There isn't anyone I'd rather kiss, either."

She let a quiet second tick by, holding onto him gently. "Sorry. About this whole... thing. I'm... a jealous berk."

Castiel shook his head and leaned over to kiss the top of her head. "I'm not sure what that is, but you were not one. You were upset. It's alright to get upset. You can tell me when I'm being stupid." Which had been. He had been pretty dumb to not push her off. Now that he knew he could do it if it was to ever happen again. He really hoped it wouldn't either. That had been very unpleasant the first time.

He pulled back to get a better look at her. "Would you like to go home?" His head tilted. Prepare for the human side to come emerging. He was slowly learning how to ask these things and gauge if then was the right time. "We can ring in the New Year. Alone." It was extremely hard to tell what he was asking, but if you listened to his tone. You'd pick up on it.

She let out a soft, scratchy laugh. It was a combination of his lack of understanding for the term, and the vernacular he used. Calling himself stupid. Had he done that before? She didn't think so. It was amusing.

He tugged back, and her eyebrows shot up. At first, she was going to protest- they could go back to the party, it would be fine. And then it dawned on her. Alone. Was he- was he suggesting make-up sex? Blimey, was he a quick learner. She jumped up off of the steps, tugging him to his feet by one hand with a laugh. "Oh, yeah, I definitely wanna go home."

She tugged him down the street with a grin.

And they rang in the new year.

Twice.

Rose has never been the most rational when it comes to jealousy.

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